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And I won't hesitate at all, whenever you call.. [10 Sep 2005|12:22pm]
[ mood | gloomy ]

Well, I seriously don't ever write in this thing anymore.

School started, as you guys prolly know. Classes aren't that bad, except for anatomy, it's hard, but oh well i'll manage. I start my job on Monday at Pasta Primavera.My Lauren and Tylar are all gonna be working there. It's gonna be fun, I'm excited.

I mean other than that, not too much shit has been going on. Yesturday all I did was go see The Exorcism of Emily Rose with Aimee. It was alrite. Then I kicked it with Nathan and Tim and we went fourwheeling. I was like falling asleep and then Nathan went behind the wheel and yeah. I woke up. Lol. It was fun tho. But yeah that's pretty much all that happened. But whatever.

I think tonight is Aimee's and Travis's party thing. But yeah. That's all, i'm out.


2 Have a Broken smile

Someone who loves you fo sho', never let them go... [24 Aug 2005|10:32pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

These past weeks ever sence I've gotten back havn't been the best for me. I'm doing alot more of things that I don't like to do, just to numb the pain for a couple hours. And I really can't believe I'm saying that. Shit is just hella hard right now..

This summer...Collapse )

2 Have a Broken smile

I didn´t come here believing I would ever be away from you.. [30 Jul 2005|06:36pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

I´m so tired, or is it being lazy. I have no idea. And I´m kinda sick, threw up twice this morning & I hadn´t eaten, so it really sucked. I leave tommarow, and it makes me kinda sad. I don´t see these people that often, and there too damn funny not to see that often. My aunt makes up words, it hella funny. Like we went to this one club and she asked when we got back if I `boyfriendo´ with anyone, like hooked up. That´s like the only word she knows how to say. And this one night I wore my hair down curly and she asked if my hair had gone `crazyado´. Haha, she´s hella funny.

So here´s a survey and I don´t know how to how to do the ljcuts, so I´m just gonna put it on here.


What does your name mean? Sunrise
How old are you?. 16
Describe yourself in 5 words? Funny, crazy, romantic, uhh..
What are your worst qualities? I tend not to be open sometimes, even when people are asking me to be, I´ll back away.
What are your best qualities? I get along with most everyone and I can make you laugh.
How long does it take you get get ready in the morning? At the least, 30mins and then I look like shit. At the most 2 hours, then I don´t mind how I look that day.

Do you dream at night? Yeah
Do you remember your dreams? Sometimes
Describe one. the usually hella random, and things that I wish would happen, but never do.
What time do you go to bed usually? When I´m tired.
What time do you wake up normally? Doing the school year around 7, but I really need to start waking up earlier.
What time do you wake on weekends?. Whenever
Do you find waking late nice or annoying? Both usually, the whole day is waisted pretty much, but then you feel hella rested.
do you sleep with one pillow or two? like 8

Do you like school? No
Why/why not? It´s gay
Whats ur fav subject? Science I´m getting better at.
Most hated subject? English
Do you have a fav teacher? No
Ever had a crush on a teacher? No
Are you a math/science person or an english/drama person? Math

Do you have heaps of friends? Kinda, but I only kick it outside of school with a few.
Do you have a best friend? Yeah I have a couple
Do you have more guy friends or more girl friends? Girl
Do you ever get annoyed at any friend? Yes.
Have you ever lied to a friend? Yeah.
Have you ever stolen a friends boyfriend/girlfriend? Can´t say I have.

Do you like your parents? At times.
Ever run away from home? Yeah, for like an hour, go to Aimee´s or the court. Lol.
Ever thought about it? Yeah.
Do you have any siblings? Nope.
If so, do you like or get annoyed with them? --
How old are they? --
If not, do you mind being an only child? Yeah sometimes, everythings my fault.
Do you feel your parents spoil you? Yeah at times, it was worst when I was younger.
Do you not get along with any of your family? Yeah, the only ones I fight with are my parents.
Do you have big family get togethers ever? Yeah, but only when I´m in Brasil.

Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Nope
If so, are you in love with them? --
Do they love you? --
How long have you been together? --
Most romantic thing they’ve ever done for you? --
Do you have a crush? kinda not really, I just needa get to knopw this person better.
If so, are you in love? Nope
Do they know you like them? I have no idea
Is it serious or playful? i want it to be serious, but right now it´s jsut playful.
How long have you liked them? Ivé only known them for about two weeks.
Ever done something stupid to impress them? Showed them my belly button ring, but that aint that stupid.
Have you ever experienced unrequited love? I don´t know what that means.
Do u find it romantic or hurtful? I don´t fucking know.
Even know what it is? NO!

Do you have a religion? Yes.
Do you practice it i.e go to church? Sometimes.
Do you believe in God? Yes.
Jesus? Yes.
Satan? Yes.
Heaven? Yes.
Hell? Yes.
If you died tomorrow what do you beleive will happen to you? I really don´t know.
Does death scare you? Yeah.

Have you ever been drunk? Yeah
taken drugs? Yes.
stolen? Yeah
shoplifted? Yeah
tried to commit suicide? Thought about it
Lied to a boyfriend or girlfriend? Yes, about stupid shit thought, nothing big that would really hurt them.
gotten into a fight? shit talking yeah.
are you more innocent or guilty? I can be both.
Would you date a drug addict? Things would end badly, if he didn´t change.
have you ever had to look after someone who was a drug addict? I don´t think so.
Are you racist? No
Are you discriminatory to anyone? I don´t know.
Have you been a hypocrite in the past? Most likely
Do you have an open or closed mind to other peoples beliefs and feelings? Definanly open

Do you watch tons of tv? Not tons.
How many times have you been to the movies in the past 6 months? Maybe like 5 or 6 times.
Do you listne to the radio often? Yea in my dad´s car.
Do you read the newspaper? No
Do you read magazines? Yeah.
Are you a couch potato? Sometimes.
Do you use the internet too much? Not too much.

Whats your fave style of music? Rap, slow jams, rock, country, anything up beat.
Do you play an instrument? I sing.
Do you sing? Yes.
Whats your fave band?. The used, thats like the only one I like.
Why? Cuz I like there songs?
Have you met them before? No
Name 3 cds that youve bought in that last year: Rascal flats, and thats the only one I can think of.
Why did you buy them? Cuz I like them??

Whats your fave sport? I don´t know.
Whats your fave sport to watch? Football
Do you have a fave team of any sort? Sure, but I´m not like a huge devoted fan.
Do you play a lot of sport? Not really, but I´ll play if it´s there.
ever won anything for sport? Yeah from soccer a while ago.

Are you funny or serious? Both at times.
Creative or not? Creative when it comes to my music
Logical thinker or lateral thinker? Logical, I´ve been told I am one.
Are you outgoing or shy? Both at times.
Are you lazy or active? Both at times.
Have you ever been hyperactive? Oh yeah.
Are you a naturally hyperactive person? No

Are you happy with the way you look? Kinda.
What would you change? Big boobs and tanner.
.Do you wear makeup regularly? Yeah
Do you have a large wardrobe? Kinda

Do you have a job? Nope, I´m getting one when I get back.
Do you like it? --
Are you a saver or a spender? I try to save, but it just doesn´t work.
Do you work hard or slack off? When there´s money involved I´ll work pretty hard.
Have you ever been fired? Nope
In trouble at work? I knocked over two shelves filled with cup and yeah that kinda sucked.
Made a major mistake? ^^
Ever had money stolen from you? Yes.
Are you always broke? Not really.

~embarassing moments~
Your all time most embarassing moment? Too many to name.
Ever snorted drink out your nose? Yeah
Ever giggled like an idiot? Yeah
Ever embarassed yourself and pretedned nothing happened? Yeah
Ever tripped in front of someone you liked? Yeah!!! Oh god...
Ever said soemthing really stupid? Yeah
Ever snorted while laughing? Yeah
Ever fallen off a bed? Yeah
Ever sleepwalked? Yeah
Ever sleeptalked? I´ve mubbled.

Whats your best memory? There´s alot.
Worst? The lowest three months of mt life about two years ago.
Whats the wierdest memory you have? Many.
Do you have a good memory? Yeah.
Whats the coolest holiday you remember having? Christmas.

Ever had funny thoughts and laughed and no one understood you? Yeah
Whats the first thought that comes to your head when you hear these names?
Melissa - None.
Bob - My chick. Lol.
Vanessa - My cuz
Alyssa - Lindsay´s lil niece that I havn´t seen in a long time.
Jess - My cuz <3
Brian - B sac from the after party on prom. Hella funny.
Charlie - and the Chocolate Factory that I saw a couple days ago.
Olivia - ??
Drew - Barymoore.
Lily - Dunno
Anita - ?

Whats the first thoughts that come to your head while hearing these words?
cheese : Mmm
rubber : condom
clothes : Shopping
big : spender ;]
dress : Prom
jacket : Warm
polyester : ?
kite : flying high
washing : machine

That was long..


Is there another side
Beyond the black and white
Place I could meet you by
A place on the other side
I´ll let you know know when I go

Broken smile

I´ll always remember, that day in July.. [23 Jul 2005|07:06pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]

Wow, I really need to update this more often..

Allright, so I´m in Brazil right now and so far it´been so much more different than I thought would be. I thought it would be straight partying and having another great summer in this place I love. So far I have cryed about a 5 times and I´ve only been here a week. The crying part is all when I leave, not when I first get here.

So first of all, I got attached to soo many amazing people in about two days. Including this one guy..Hot drummer with his tongue pierced. Mmm..and he was the sweetest guy, getting my food for me and tieing my shoes, lol. And yeah I cried when I left cause I didn´t and still don´t know when IO´m going to see him again..:[ So I leave there after two days sad.

Then I get here, where I am now, East Coast Brazil. The first couple days were great, soaking it up at the beach, beers in the sand...you know how we do..;] Then we get back one night, go to the hospital to visit my moms uncle whose been there for a month. So I guess he´s my great uncle. And at about 9 his heart stopped for the first time. They got it back to beat again, but then he ended up dying at about 11. At first it was hard seeing all my moms cousins, who are her age, hella sad cuz I pretty much consider them as my aunts. Then my moms cousins´ kids, who I consider my cousins, were hella crying. That just got me. We were all hella sad as soo many people showwed up at the hospital..

So today we went to the wake, mass and the burial.. I´ve never seen a dead body, it looked like it was made out of wax. He just laid there. The thing that also got me was that his wife is the one that I´m closer to. She just sat there when she found out that he was gone. Imagine how hard it would be to hear that your husband died. The one who was there through everything, all 10 kids (I know, holy shit). All people could do was tell her that he was in a better place. At the mass every person in the room was in tears at this one song that this guy sang. The whole setting was just soo depressing. I had never been to a funeral. I´d tryed so hard just to be strong but I just couldn´t when he starting singing. Every person was crying, even people not in the family like my cousins boyfreinds.. I swear, the saddest day of my life....

I was´nt that close to him, but jsut to see his wife in soo much pain that all she could do was sit there in shock and just tell herself that he´s gone. At the end of the day we went to cemetary and buried him. His whole grave was covered in flowers, you couldn´t see the name on the stone..

Hopefully the rest of my trip would´nt be so depressing..

I´ll update soon..


In places no one will find
All your feelings so deep inside
It was there that I realized
That forever was in your eyes
The moment I saw you cry..

Broken smile

I dedicate this to my favorite lover... [16 May 2005|04:32pm]
[ mood | busy ]

You know what's kinda funny. Prom's in a week && I don't have a dress. Lol. And I donit have any back-ups either. Aimee's turned out to be too short. Cool. I'm bored, here's a...

SurveyCollapse )

2 Have a Broken smile

One more kiss could be the best thing, one more lie could be the worst.. [20 Apr 2005|03:50pm]
[ mood | numb ]

Hey everyone. My day wasnt' that great but who cares, it was still fun.

Math is seriously my funnest class now just because everyone in that class jsut fucks around & has a good time. When me & matt used to sit next to eachother we always used to fuck around. Then I got moved :[ Just because I laugh at everything they do doesn't mean I'm the problem, so of coarse all the hella crazy kids sit by Mary & I'm all alone :[..but I'm still like the loudest one in that class, besides Matt & other people. Oh well.

Well yeah today's been kinda boring, but I think I found this new guy :]

I think I kinda like him, but I don't know. We don't really chill at all or talk, we have one class together, but yeah, we do kinda talk. I wanted to ask him to Sadies, but that's like in a two days so I don't think I'm gonna. Lol. I'm sucha girl.

But yeah, now I'm gonna go to circtic city..so talk to you guys lattaaa..


In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
And in this world there's real & make believe
This seems real to me

2 Have a Broken smile

Is this just an impossible dream? [18 Apr 2005|06:00pm]
[ mood | content ]

Oh my godnest I haven't updated in soo long. Myspace is taking over like it always does & so is school, friends, boys ect.

Anyways tell me how everyones doing cuz it sucks that I never talk to the people that I used to. What the fuck man??

So my lifes been kinda gay. My mom has been the bitchiest shes ever been in her life.

Story: Me & key get into the car and were driving home. I haven't said one word to her sence I got in jsut cuz I haven't, I wasn't mad or anything just listening to music. So I get out to fill the tank & she looks at Kierstyn & goes, she has an attidude, she's not going to Sadies. I'm like bitch I HAVNT SAID ONE WORD CUNT! Kierstyn was just like okay. I was so pissed. The fisrt thing I do is get into my house & the wall. Then later on I go "I'm gonna get a print out & show you that my grades have gone up then I'm going to Sadies, " "Okay." She's a fucking idoit. Thank god she leaves in like a week for Brazil. Fuck yeah two weeks without that bitch. I'm excited.

But yeah that's pretty much all that is happening now. I'm going to Sadies with no date. Fuck yeah, who cares I'll have fun. :]

Later hunnies!


I just wanna stay here
Soaking up the rain
Falling all around me
Wash the world away..

4 Have a Broken smile

I really love this old music thing, it's always been my dream... [28 Feb 2005|05:02pm]
[ mood | jealous ]

Yeah, that last post was not needed. Lol. <33

Wow, I havn't updated in a while. I'm excited, Tylar's birthday thing is in a lil, then she gets her license & that's gonnna be sick. Andd, over spring break I'm going to Paris!! I'm so fucking excited. I can't wait.

But, today was pretty shitty, like alot of days lately. It sucks, things being like this. I don't know why it's like this too. Maybe I'm depressed or crazy, maybe both. Who knows.

Like, things were all good till fourth period when the dean wanted to talk to me. She just told me that I seem like sucha an angry person and sad. I was like, umm..what am I sapoost to say to that? So you pretty much think I'm depressed & pissed off. Sorry I don't fucking run around with a smile on my face all the time. I'm not that kinda person. What I just don't fucking get is ever sence she talked to my mom when I got suspended, it's like my mom just fucking tells her the world, and now I hafta talk to the dean & come back to P.E. crying & have a shitty ass day cuz of her. And it's all because of my fucking mom and her mouth. I wanna move out soo bad & just get the away from here. So people don't have to be all "worried" about me & they won't have to "take care" of me like everyone feels like they havta do. Fucking rediculous. Do I come off as some crazy ass depressed person? I seriously wanna know. I have reasons to be the way I am, so theres no use in trying to change me or whatever the fuck they wanna do. I'm hella hurt too, that they think that. Most of the time I'm usually laughing and having a good time at lunch, and now the deans say that they see me during lunch and I seem sad and angry?? Whatever. Stop fucking jugding me. It's bullshit. All of it.

I've needed someone for a long time. Not just someone to fuck around with. Someone who truly cares about me. I need someone like that, allthough I still want that one person who never really cared and all he ever wanted were a few booty calls. Yeah. Great.

I promise I can't live without cha
God knows that I need a lover
And it hurts so bad,
Sometimes I cry

Broken smile

this is jessica E [20 Feb 2005|02:26pm]




<3333333333 Jess

********* comment if u agree************

you all better or else!!!!!!!!!!
2 Have a Broken smile

This is the part where I love you too much.. [13 Feb 2005|12:19pm]
[ mood | infuriated ]

Pretty much one of the shitest nights of my life. Fuck you for rubbing shit in my face. Don't you know that I'm crazy about you & do you just think its funny to rub shit in face. It's your fault I cry, it's you who I blame. Fuck you, burn in hell & I mean every word I say. What the fuck makes you think you can do that to me. Don't talk to me. Don't tell me to call you. Don't come up to us anymore. Don't say stuff about me. Don't stare at me. Fuck you. Think about who you fuck with before you go to bed. Someone who hasn't done SHIT to you. Tell me, if you can what I've done to you. I'm interested in knowing, cause it's obviously some big ass mystery. How could I hate someone I care about so much. Stop with the lies, stop with the pretending shit cuz I'm threw with it. God, I hate you.

No one understands
The meaning of your eyes
And how I feel
Burning deep inside

Sometimes I think I'm dreaming... [05 Feb 2005|12:01pm]
[ mood | What is that green thing?? ]


Ha, I'm a really big nerd. Why do I always say that now?

Mhmmm, last night was intertaining.
So us girls go to the movies & see Boogyman. I told Tyler that I thought I was gonna die. Lol. I actaully screamed. And I don't scream in movies. It was great.

After the movies I opened my phone and it had like 10 missed calls. Like 5 from Tylar before she picked us up, and 3 from my mom, and.....one from Dustin. I was like..Hmmm...

Then we get outside and Dustin runs over to me. It made me laugh cuz he was so high. He ate a cookie. Lol.

So we go get some dinner at like 10 and just chill. Then more really really really REALLY hot people showed up, I wannted to scream cuz yeah, he's hot. Lol.

Then Larry picked us up & we went back to Tylar's. It was fun.

And now I'm at my house, but I gotta go to that one Home Expo store to pick out a whole bunch of house shit for my kitchen. We just got it redone, & I love it.

"Go kick his ass, seabass!"


What's it like to be in love
That's all I'm really thinking of
And I was just wondering
Will love ever know me?

2 Have a Broken smile

I woke up today, woke up wide awake... [02 Feb 2005|04:03pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

Yeah, it's great when he asks whats wrong, and he only thing I can say nothing, when deep down inside everything is just falling apart.
Maybe it's time that I let him know exactly how I feel, and hope for some kinda of emotion in return, whether it be good or bad.

I don't know, I just don't know anymore.
All the things that I was so certain of before
Make me question myself & my feelings.
Maybe this is actaully how things are sappost to be?

Here the thing we started out friends
It was cool but it was all pretend
Your dedicated, you took the time
Wasn't long till I called you mine
Yeah, yeah
Since you've been gone

2 Have a Broken smile

Baby, baby please.. [30 Jan 2005|12:26pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]

"Let's be us again."
I got up from his bed and changed the song. I sat back down again. I glanced at the person who I longed to hold me, who was holding my bestfriend. It pretty much killed me. I laid down next to someone I hadn't hung out with in a really long time & who I missed.
"Here I stand with everything to loose..."
The song continued to play. I just stared at this person for about 5 minutes. He did the same. I felt the tears starting to fall. As I got up, I looked at the person who I needed the most at the moment. Then I went into the bathroom. I had a feeling that he could tell that I was crying. As I leaned against the wall I couldn't hold them back. I kept telling myself to be strong, and to not let this happen now. The one thing I needed was holding the person he needed. Then it hit me, I wasn't over him, and hanging out like friends wasn't going to work, because of the constant pain that I had felt when I was with him. I came out of the bathroom and laid back down. As I did this he stared at me as I did this. Everything I didn't have was in that room. I didn't wanna be there at all. As we left he gave me a hug and told me to give him a call later. I paused, and thought if I should or not. I got home that night, and went to bed. I never called him.

Tell me what I got do tonite
Cause I'll do anything to make it right
Let's be us again

3 thingsCollapse )

10 Have a Broken smile

Why don't you take me tonite.. [28 Jan 2005|01:41pm]
[ mood | thirsty ]

YAY finals are over!!!

And I got a new layout. You like???

Yesturday was pretty cool. Kay, this is what happened.

The finals were just fucking boing and long and I'm so glad there over. And I don't have anything to do this weekend except whatever that fuck I want to. So after school we went to Tylar's to get some money. Then we went Jack for a lil. Then we went to Micheal's for a lil. He picked us up when we were like a block from his house. Yeah of coarse I'm the smallest so I layed in the back. And if you know how Micheal drives I almost fuking got thrown into the windsheld. He's fucking crazy. Tylar and Kierstyn were holding on to me and I was just like yeah that's so gonna stop me from going anywhere. Lol. W/e I was screaming the whole time. It was kinda fun tho.

Then we get there it's Marcus, Jake and Micheal. We just had some food and chilled. Yeah it was kinda awkward with him, but whatever I managed. The Brandon A, James, Camron, and Pesicka showed up too for a lil. Then we left like an hour later. Had somethings to tell the girls. We were gonna chill with Nathan, but when Tylar called he was at a friends house so yeah.

Then we just went to Key's for a little. Then my dad called so we dropped Tylar off at work and Key came over. We did pretty much nothing. Tylar got off at 9 and we went to Micheal's again and watched Friday Night Lights. Micheal fell asleep on me and then I fell asleep on him. We actually fit in that chair tiny ass chair. Lol. Me and Tylar were also pissing him off by not getting out of his chair before he laid in it. Micheal's great. Lol.

So yeah I got home and watched T.V for a little, then went to bed.

I don't know what it is, but if it was just a kiss, then why do I keep thinking about it? I guess I kinda wanted it. :/


Is a wonder why we still here
And all this hatin and were still here
You didn't think that we would be here
Ain't no mistakin' this is all here

2 Have a Broken smile

I don't ever wanna see the end.. [25 Jan 2005|08:50pm]
[ mood | relaxed ]

"What isn't there to like?"

I love you Tylar and hopefully things will work out for the both of us.. :]]

And everyone, that last post wasn't me "trippen" about anything. I was just venting in my journal, cuz this is my journal.

Anyways finals aren't that bad, and we get out earlier so that's pretty cool.

Today I had the science and history final. They weren't that bad. I gotta 68 on the science. It's kinda bad, but at least it's passing. And I was trying to sleep after I was done with the test, but someone kept waking me up to hold my hand..I was like I wanna sleep!! ;] The history was allrite too. Micheal left during the middle, fucking asshole, now who was gonna make fun of me?? Lol. Micheal's great.

After finals Kiestyn, Tylar and I went to Taco Bell, finally I haven't eaten there in so long. Me and Tylar were talking about Napolean Dynamite and yeah it was pretty funny. I go up there to order and I can't say Quesdilllllla, you know with the double 'L' sound. Then I just pictured Dustin working there, and we almost shit out pants. Then we went to Fitness for a lil, then saw some more people at Jack. We just walked everywhere. We also went shopping in Target. Gotta alot new shit. I love having money. :]

Then I came home, talked to people who usually never call me, and now I'm here, still talking to the same person who kept holding my hand. I wish I was talking to someone else tho.

That's pretty much it. I'm tired so I think I'm gonna go!!


You got me waiting
When I telling you everything you need to hear
I cant keeping waiting on you
Acting like whatever I will always be around
It will be all right with me but baby you
Got me waiting and I cant keep waiting on you

Broken smile

Oh boy you drive me crazzzzyyyyy.... [20 Jan 2005|09:48pm]
[ mood | blank ]

You don't know what you do to chase them away. You never realise you even do it till you do. This whole things isn't about me regreting anything. It's just shit happens, and sometimes for the right reasons. Yeah, you and cry when you have a problem, but that's expected. When you loose someone that you care about, part of you dies. Even if your the one that told them to leave, or let them go. This whole thing isn't about I love him, I miss him, it's true love bullshit. I don't believe in that shit anymore. Have a good time and don't worry about some damn relationship that brings you down. Yea, I've had big hopes and dreams in alomost every relationship, and guess what? They never came true, not once. Sometimes you just get sick and tired of being expected by everyone to be perfect, when your far from it. And other times it's not being able to have what you'd give everything for. That's just how it works out. You live, you love, you cry, you die. I have soo much on my mind, and all these thoughts are just pouring outta my head. I've never been soo stressed out in my life. And all of this is one me, and only me.

Each of these paragraphs are for inviduals who I've needed to talk to, but have never had the chance, or balls to tell them.

Feeling not good enuff is a bitch, but it should'nt be this way between you and me. We laugh at the stupidest shit in the world, and people think were crack heads, but sometimes it's deeper than that. The things that come out of your mouth that are about me and the way I am, are true, and sometimes there not always meant to be heard. Yea, I'll be a bitch to you, but you'll always be the bigger one ..;]. Jk girl. Love you. I always be here. <3

It kinda sucks when you expect someone to really care about you and mean what they say, when in fact they don't. That's exactly how I felt with you. I don't think it was what was said or done, it's what was not. I miss you like crazy, but I never loved you. I just loved feeling that feeling again. We were pretty much pretending. I thought nothing could go wrong.<3

We had alotta good times. Alotta laughs, but you never knew how I actauly felt. I lashed out at you cuz the line was crossed. And I was sick of everything. I should have just went to you and told you how I felt, but I didn't and I handled it in a bad way. Alot of what was said was the truth, just came out wrong. I'm sorry, but things need to be this way for a while...

I think I have a crush on you. And that's not a good thing for several reasons, cuz I know it won't ever happen. You've helped me in alot of ways and I consider you a really good friend, who i wish could be more. Thank you and I'm always gonna be here for you too. <3

You are one of the people that can make me laugh the hardest. We were soo close until..yeah. I miss having a great guy friend who I can talk to about anything and everything. You and me have been through some of the worst shit, and that's the one thing that brought you and me so close over a short period of time. I miss being bestfriends with you and seeing you and hanging out. Sometimes I just say to myself, I wish ------ was here. At least were okay friends now rite?

Your like my mom and I love you for it. But in Brazil, things are all gonna change. I'm soo glad we became really good friends. I know I can always talk to you about anything. Love you girl!! <3

And this is to all my good freinds who I never get to chill with..I LOVE YOU!!!

Wow this is going to be a long ass post. Oh well. I havn't in a while anyways.

I wanted to cry in Sanish today. That's pretty much how my day went.
I really miss him & it kinda sux.

That's all for now.

I used to be scared of
Letting someone in
But it gets so lonely
Being on my own
No one to talk to
And no one to hold me
I'm not always strong
Oh, I need you here

2 Have a Broken smile

He was a familar face, from a chapter in my past... [08 Jan 2005|01:27pm]
[ mood | excited ]


I'm in a really good mood right now. You know when you get rid of something and the burdin and weight of the world is off your shoulders? I love it. That's exactly how I feel right now. :]]]]

I just got back from my behind the wheel. Wow it sucked ass. I did'nt do that bad though. But I'm glad it's over and yeah.

The first week back from break was really kinda shitty actually. ALot needed to be said to a few people in perticular and they were said, and everything straightened out.

I'm getting so into him, too fast at times. But this is the feeling that I've haven't felt sence....yea. I love when it rains ;]]]

Here's a survey to pass time, it's about kisses!! :]

Till then..

I <333333 you Dustin!!

We reminisce on the way things used to be
Shed a couple laughs, shed some memories
Talked about the things that changed
Some for good and some for bad

I Love Kisses :]]Collapse )

2 Have a Broken smile

Your the one I love to hate... [05 Jan 2005|10:12pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

Why I never walked away
Why I played myself this way
Now I see you're testing me pushes me away
Why I never walked away
Why I played myself this way
Now I see your testing me pushes me away

^Good ass motherfucking quote^. In my opinion :]

My day was decent. In the middle, I guess you could say.

Nothing really happened in science. I'm doing soo much better in that class. I actaully get it now. And for the first time ever I'm not failing science. Mr. Halket is an asshole, but he can teach.

We corrected the bookwork in history. And talked about some civics project. It was over my head.

In english we pretty much got caught up with everything. I got alot done.

P.E. was soocer again. Me and Kierstyn saw Stacy taking pictures. Oh wow... WHY??? Me and Kierstyn looking like idoits cause we had our arms in our shirts cuz it was cold. And we had a "talk" too about some issues. And Aimee wasn't there :[[ She went to Matt's cuz he wasn't feeling too good.

Lunch was kinda disappointing. Thought alot. And we got Tylar's input about what me and Key were talking about. Things kinda got all bad after lunch. :[[

Math was tiring. I think I fell asleep. I don't remember.

Spanish was the same. I was still thinking about too much.

After school was just ehh..ask me if you wanna know cuz I gotta get off.

Then Dustin made things soo much better after he gave me the best hug that was very much needed. <333333333

This was just stupid. My life is stupid. Lol.


Broken smile

I said, I've gotta be honest. I've been waiting for you all my life.... [01 Jan 2005|05:41pm]
[ mood | Shity ]

Happy New Years everyone. I hope you had a good one!

My night wasn't that great.

Kierstyn came over at like 5 and we just chilled and hung out before we went to Tylar's at like 9. Right before we were about to leave I go downstairs and my mom is like flipping out for no reason. I was just like you nbeed to calm the hell down. It was pissing me off and then she was like your not gonig to Tylar's your coming with me. I was like YEAH..okay?? Then I went back down there like 10 mins later and she was like when are you leaving? Whatever.

So we get to Tylar's and eat and finished getting ready and stuff. Then Aimee calls me and says that Dustin just stopped by to see me because he was gonna be at Brandon Thompson's house. I was like well too bad cause I'm kinda not there, but we ended up leaving like two minutes after Aimee called :]

We get to Matt's and I see Nathan so I figured Dustin came too. And yea I see him like a second later. Then I see Aimee and Matt and say hi. Don't you hate when there's these two Cal chicks in the middle of the floor dancing as un natural as anyone could dance. We were all just fucking laughing as hard as we could at them. Dustin just yelled as loud as he could, "EWWW!!" And Nathan was being halarious too cuz he always is. I'm glad me and him were talking again because I hadn't really talked to Nathan sence Nov. So were I guess cooler now.

At like 11:30 Dustin and Nathan left and I think walked to Brandon's. Then things were getting kinda crazy and yea bad decisons were made and I hurt someone I care about..

Today has pretty much been the shittiest day all year. Ha, get it?? :/
I won't go into too much detail, but all I know is that this sucks.

And I'm sick. Not only cuz of last night but sick sick. And my voice is gone. Yay!!

Hopefully I won't fuck things up too much this year.


Sometimes I just wonder why
I almost let my life slip by

2 Have a Broken smile

Say that you want me... [29 Dec 2004|04:06pm]
[ mood | busy ]

Jessica was bored last night and made me a myspace.


So yea. That's pretty much all that's going on.


See I want you
Gotta have you
Said I need you

Broken smile

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